Willsboro, NY: Jan. 10, 2010-- Global warming critics are rejoicing in the news that upstate New York will soon be under a half-mile sheet of ice.  The “big freeze” began just around the end of the year, and is not expected to let up until 2310 - roughly 300 hundred years hence.  News of the impending glacial doom immediately boosted sales of ice augers, ice skates, mittens, and the periodical “Quinzhee Monthly.”

     Experts on glacial formation claim the primary reason for the glacier’s appearance now is the recent exposure of falsified data found in Emails exchanged by so-called “climate change” scientists.  Glacial psychologist Normand Morain says the glaciers’ self esteem has been the most affected by false scientific claims of human generated climate change.  “Glaciers got fed up,” said Morain, “and they finally decided to take a stand.  I’ve been counseling them to do that for years.” 

     The news struck a chord with Patch Sprint organizers Greg Henderson & Tim Singer since the

The cliffs on Pok-O may still be climbed, but look out for crevasses on the approach!

glaciations would have an adverse effect on the entire Patch Sprint course.  “The good news is that the course will be flat and fast,” said a befuddled Henderson.  “The bad news is this really sucks.”  Participants are encouraged to train primarily in tundra-like conditions.  “I wouldn’t even bother raising the incline on the indoor treadmill,” said Singer, “and forget about the Stairmaster.”

     The Patch Sprint is still scheduled to take place on Saturday, May 29 as a fundraiser for the Adirondack Scholarship Foundation.  Last year, Patch Sprint participants donated over $7,000 to the Foundation, and organizers hope to better that amount this year.  For a nominal fee, participants will receive a pre-race dinner, pre-race breakfast, aid station supplies, t-shirt, party on top of Poko, post-race dinner, award ceremony, a slide show, and free lodging at the Greatest Camp in the Universe.

     We look forward to seeing you there for the most outstanding trail race event the new ice age has ever seen!